Why Aren’t You Ready To Marry Me?
Are you ready to take the next step in your relationship? Do you know that you’ve found the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, the one you want to grow old and gray with, the one you want to experience everything with… but is your partner feeling the same?
If you’re interested in talking to someone, feel free to contact me and set up a consultation for couples therapy.
Communication is key.
Communication is so key here. If you’re thinking about marriage and your future with your partner, odds are, they probably are, too. Having an open and honest discussion with your significant other to see where your views align, or where they don’t, is vital. But remember, you might not always receive the answer that you’re looking for -- and while it may hurt in the moment, it is okay. Your first conversation may not give you the answers you may be looking for, but that doesn’t mean this needs to be your last conversation about marriage. Discussing your views on this will help you both understand the relationship and each other more deeply.
Listen to your partner.
Try your best to listen to your partner and understand the reasons that they give. Maybe your partner is struggling to take that step because their parents’ marriage ended in a divorce so they don’t think marriage is for them and/or they are scared of long-term commitment. Often our fears around connection stem from how we were related to as children. As a result, some people may limit intimacy as a way to keep them emotionally safe and in control.
Let’s say you had that conversation and your partner reassured you that they do want to marry you… just not yet. Maybe they’re in a pivotal moment in their career or still working to accomplish an important goal before they hope to get married. Maybe they’re not financially ready. Maybe they want to continue exploring their relationship with you but just need more time. Talk to your partner about what you both need before you’re both ready for the next step, and then work together to reach those goals. This can be easier said than done, as many people feel very anxious around this and think to themselves “Will he/she ever commit? Will it always be something?”
Have faith in one another.
It’s so key to have trust and faith in one another and faith in yourself that you will make the best choice for you given what you know about yourself, your partner, and the relationship. In some cases, your partner may be able to reassure you and meet your needs until you both are ready. In other cases, your person may not commit in the time frame you are hoping for and you have to make a choice on what you want to do. Most importantly, finding a balance between bringing these conversations up without overdoing it. No one wants to be bombarded every day with “are you ready yet?” That being said, if your partner is willing to go to couples therapy to discuss this, that is a really good sign! One’s ability to be open to change and compromise is so telling in how successful the relationship will be. That says I see you, I hear you, and I know what you want is valid so let’s find a way to work through this together.
Be ready for the right reasons.
Lastly, make sure that you are ready to take the next step for the right reasons. It’s so important to understand how you are feeling before you decide to bring it up to your partner. Remember that it is okay to reassess and realize that you need to walk away. You may want to take a step back and ask yourself:
Am I feeling insecure in my relationship and looking for something to make me feel more secure?
Do I want to get married because all of our friends are and I just want it to be my turn?
Do I just want to find a life partner because I am tired of being single?
Am I getting bored in my relationship and just looking to take the next step?
If my partner is not ready to commit, am I ready to wait?
Is this the person I truly want to spend the rest of my life with?
These questions above can help you think and reflect on your relationship and what you need from yourself/your partner to move forward.
For more information on couples therapy, or if you’d like to set up a consultation, you can contact me by clicking here.
